"I’m Not Good At Praying"

Prayer is beautiful in the simplicity of its core meaning, especially as we try to share with kids what prayer is and how to pray. Prayer is also beautiful in its rich depth and complexity of variation. Really, we could spend hundreds or thousands of hours discussing, practicing, and learning about different ways of praying (i.e. communicating with God).

When it comes to leading prayer, you, your leaders, or your t[w]eens might feel uncomfortable, awkward, afraid, and/or like you’re “not good at it.” This is a simple way of explaining what it is to “lead prayer” that I found effective when I used it in a leadership training with middle schoolers:

Imagine you are with a group of friends and you have been talking about something (think about what you would typically talk about – school, movies, music, etc). Now, let’s say you have a friend that knows everything – they are basically kind of perfect. So you and your friends call up this expert friend and you explain what your group has been talking about and ask for some guidance or input on the subject.

That right there is basically leading prayer in a nutshell. You, the leader, are basically facilitating a conversation with God on behalf of the group. We communicate in this form pretty commonly. If you, your team, or your kids are still not feeling too sure about leading prayer, remember that it’s easier to talk to someone on behalf of a group when you’re already comfortable with the person you’re talking to. So I encourage you to spend more quality time with your “expert friend” 1-on-1 and watch your life and your ability to facilitate a group conversation with God blossom.

The "Doppelganger" Effect

Yesterday Everyone on my Facebook Status Feed was changing their profile pictures to someone famous that they had been told they resembled. Their status then explained that it was “Doppelganger Day” and for everyone else to do likewise. It’s silly, fun, and a great way to kill some time, but as I reflected on a recent experience trying to lead middle schoolers in prayer, I thought about how there is a “doppelganger” effect in ministry.

First, for all of you lexicon aficionados like me, doppelganger isn’t really being used correctly, I’ll admit that…but it does sound pretty cool, you have to admit. The doppelganger effect in ministry, especially with middle schoolers, simply refers to the fact that these tweens mimick and emulate what they see and experience, especially when it’s someone they look up to and respect (like a youth minister or core leader). Tweens are at a stage, developmentally, where they are recognizing “social cues” that we take for granted because we’ve internalized them after years of practice. There’s also a deeper psychology beyond just middle schoolers here. Try this experiment: Next time you’re around some friends, start doing something with your body language with out being weird or obvious, and see how long it takes them to mimick (e.g. cross your arms, put your hands in your pockets, etc).

This is both good and bad news for us in ministry. The bad news? We’re not perfect (hopefully that’s not news to you), but that means we must be careful and honest about our imperfections and label them what they are so that our youth don’t pick them up. That also means that when you’re super tired or having a bad day, the kids will pick up on that and probably be lethargic and disinterested during small groups or other activities. The good news (which is far better than the bad news) is that being a role model is as simple as doing what is right and good. It means that by paying attention to your fellow leaders giving talks and reminding kids around you to listen and pay attention…(drum roll please)…they. will! It means that when you use body language that is full of life, empathy, and interest, your small group will be more interested and engaged.

Prayer is, thankfully, another area in which the doppelganger effect carries over quite usefully. At Mass, middle schoolers will look to see what you’re doing and how you’re praying the Mass. Are you going through the motions or rejoicing with all the citizens of heaven? At youth group meetings, a little explanation to give context and relevance sets the stage for you to lead (by example) the kids in deep prayer. I’ve been told that middle schoolers can’t handle silent prayer or adoration of the Blessed Sacrament and I think that’s a common assumption – maybe you’ve experienced similar skepticism about the seriousness and depth of the middle schooler’s mind and heart. Maybe you’ve been reluctant to try more serious, reflective, quiet prayer with your middle schoolers. If you as a youth minister, a core leader, catechist genuinely model prayer, the kids will open their hearts and delve deeper than you could ever have imagined. I’ve seen it. You will see it too.